The tears of a Mama

Lately I have not known how to handle myself. I have been watching the swift changes in my nearly 1 year old son and I think back to a year ago. As I held my son in the hospital I felt the contentedness of a new Mama. I never thought I'd feel that. The newness of it all was overwhelming, his little toes, his little mouth, hit little tiny body! By the time I got home I was soon overwhelmed by the crazy exhaustion I felt. I wished every single day away. I wanted him to be bigger, to not nurse every 1-2 hours. I wished that he would sleep at night. I wished that I wouldn't be crying all the time. I wished that he would acknowledge that I am his mama and that he loves me. I wished, I wanted...

How shameful, I never realized the gift of the days with little baby Liam. I want those days back. I will never get those days back.

So, as I've been packing away infant odds and ends I have been praying for another baby. I have also been praying for a better mindset when/if the next one comes. If only I weren't so depraved, perhaps I would see what is in front of me and not miss God's blessings. I know I caught some of them...but I want to catch all of them, like goldfish in a net, just swoop them all up and take them for my own.

Can one ever really live like this? Can one's eyes be open at all times to what God is doing, how He is working? I shed tears over this: that I cannot be closer to God, close enough to see what He is doing in my life at the moment. Hindsight really is 20/20, sadly. So I will continue to pray daily that I would have my eyes on God and that I wouldn't miss out on the blessings life that He is giving me.

Ever Thankful

I have been asked by a friend to blog...so here I am...blogging. I kind of forgot about this little place on the internet, but maybe I'll revive it?

I really love this blog http://www.aholyexperience.com/ and have been challenged by her lists of "1000 endless gifts". I have been keeping lists myself, especially when the days get rough. As I am prone to be anxious about anything and everything (and have nearly driven myself to insanity), I turn to God's Word to set my mind right. I believe that Phil 4:6 tells me that when I am anxious pray to the Lord and to not forget to be THANKFUL. So, in turn, I write down what I am thankful for...here's a list for you:

1. A husband who loves me

2. A home

3. William Isaiah Pearce

4. Salvation

5. Daily Bread- physical and spiritual

6. A church body

7. A loving family

8. Sunshine

9. Two cats

10. Books

11. Spiritual revival

12. The ability to observe a legacy

13. July 16, 2009- Grandpop's going home

14. The Lenten season

15. Clean laundry

16. Tea

17. A happy baby who says "Mama" and gives kisses

18. Lunch with friends on a Sunday afternoon

19. Promises of Spring

20. Fernando Ortega's music

21. Coupons that keep an abundance of food in our pantry

22. The love of my Grandmother

23. My Grandmom's faithful witness to her grandchildren

24. Clean sheets

25. That no one is totally unique

Rockin' Green

So I have tried a new detergent on my diapers. And I love it. My diapers smell excellent every time I wash and they have never looked brighter! My only qualm is that it is advertised as a scented laundry detergent for diapers, but I haven't really noticed a scent...Maybe it is because my diapers were pretty funky before trying this. Anyhow, I'll let you know how they smell after I get my replacement diapers. To get your own Rockin' Green go here.

Furthermore, you did hear me correctly, I said "replacement diapers". It just so happens that Cotton Babies will replace your diapers if you have a problem with them. My BumGenius laundry tabs have bit the dust...therefore my Velcro is biting it too! So, I've read all the terms and conditions, it seems they will replace my diapers. My friend Megan got her's replaced, for the same reason. It also seems I have the old laundry tabs on my diapers. New diapers, new laundry tabs, happy Mama.

Cloth Diapers, Breast feeding and baby food

I recall back in the day when Liam was just a wee peanut inside of me...I told people I wanted to cloth diaper my child. The usual response was: "You will give it up after a month, it's disgusting." Well, I have to say, I don't really find it disgusting and we're going on 5 months of cloth diapers. I LOVE CLOTH! My reasons are myriad...

1. They are cute. This may sound superficial, but it's the truth, they are really really cute.

2. They are cost effective.

3. I never have to buy diapers at the store :-)

4. There are no chemicals in the diapers.

5. Less diaper rash.

6. I always have diapers on hand.

7. They don't stink up my house, if they are stinky, I wash them.

8. The amount of trash at my curbside is the same as pre-baby.

I'm sure I can think of more reasons but these will do. (Okay so my reasons really aren't myriad)

Breastfeeding is another thing that people questioned me about. Well, I love that too. Liam and I are super close. Maybe that's because I stay home all day with him and spend countless hours nurturing him (day and night). But I think one of the reasons is that I am his food source! We are bonded, because he is always hungry :-) Seriously though, a certain grandmother tried to give him a bottle before bed the other night and he was refusing it. My son was refusing food!!! This is unheard of.

Other things I like about breastfeeding are that it's convenient. I know I am feeding my son the food that God made specially for him. It's guaranteed snuggle time during the day. And, I am wearing the jeans I wore before I was pregnant.

Baby food. Liam is now eating fruits and veggies. I decided to make his food. Why is it that people think that just because Gerber manufactures something that means that ordinary people are unable to make that same thing? You can make baby food at home! I have made, peas, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, banana and pears. He has enjoyed every one of them. If you have a blender or a baby food mill you can do it. It's cost effective and convenient.

For more info on any of these topics:
http://www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com/
http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/index.htm
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T020100.asp

Where is the time going?

It's July. I haven't posted in what seems like FOR-EVER. Mostly this is because Facebook has become the coming online meeting place for just about everyone I know! Adventures with Liam have gotten a whole lot more predictable and he is just enmeshed into our everyday lives now. We have a great kiddo!

Super exciting things about Liam are as follows:
-His smile is a mile wide and he gives it freely to his Mama and Dadda.
-He goes to be with little to no fuss every night.
-He naps pretty regularly now and will nap at other peoples' houses, as long as he has a bed to lay on and is away from people.
-He's getting good at sitting up when propped.
-He's so big! He's between 16-17 lbs now :-)
-He no longer needs his little head support thing in his car seat.

There are many, many more...I just can't begin to name them all...

Scott and I have just recently started to get a little sad because he is growing so fast. We thought the beginning would never end, now we want everything to stop! I no longer care about interrupted sleep...I love picking him up and nursing the sleepy little guy and putting back into his crib to snuggle with his lovey. I tell Scott just about everyday..."I can't wait for the next one!"

All that to say that we are in L-O-V-E!

Much overdue update

I have been so remiss in blogging about our little guy! First of all, I have to say that God has given us incredible blessings that we obviously do not deserve. Liam is a great baby. There are challenges...namely sleeping and bedtime...and I'm sure there are plenty more in store for us. But thanks be to God that last night (after an hour of LOTS of crying) Liam went to sleep at 8:30 and did not wake up to eat until about 2 am and then did not wake up again until about 6:30. I am so thankful for the extra sleep!!! We have been working on Liam going to sleep in his crib without being rocked and nursed...sometimes he does it, sometimes he doesn't. The biggest deterent to him falling asleep on his own is if he is overly tired or cranky when we lay him down. If we lay him down happy then he's out with barely a peep!

Liam has no problems with eating...he's a champ in that area and his size proves it. At his 2 month check-up he was 13lbs and 24.5 inches (Birth was 8.10oz and 21.5 inches). He is now wearing 3-6 and 6 mo. clothes and is rocking his cloth diapers :-) We flew through 0-3 and 3 month clothes and now I have to pack up clothes that he wore maybe once! Now I'm trying to put him in something new everyday because I'm afraid he won't get to wear something that someone gave to him.

Liam's favorite things to do right now are play on his baby gym...he totally digs the classical music that plays from this sun that lights up with the music. Scott calls it a seizure light...but Liam just smiles and smiles at it. He loves to suck on his fingers and fist and to squirm all the time. He loves riding in the car and sitting in his swing, listening to his Daddy's voice and staring at his beautiful Mama :-)

Our love for him just grows and grows.

The fastest selling audio Bible

Does this make anyone else uncomfortable?

Scott's letter to our birthing class

I really liked what Scott wrote to our birthing class so I thought I'd share it with you all...

Hey All, This is Scott writing on behalf of our family of three! Becca's water broke Saturday (4/11) morning at 12.30am. 13 hours later, we were holding our son, William ("Liam") Isaiah Pearce. He has a mother to be proud of, and they are both very well.

After Becca's water broke, she was trying to get me to time the contractions that soon came on. I, being the studious birthing class student that I was, remembered that "No, honey...we shouldn't get too excited too soon. Just go back to sleep--it's 12.30 in the morning." Twenty minutes later, Becca nudged me in the ribs and insisted that I time them. Sure enough, they were a minute long and almost two minutes apart! We called the midwives at 3.30am; Lisa was on call, and without hesitation told us we could come to the hospital.

The floor was almost empty, so we got one of the VIP rooms in the back corner. Becca was fully effaced and 5cm dilated (she had been 2cm and fully effaced at her checkup just five days prior) when Lisa checked her, and was 9.5cm not too much later. Her contractions grew in intensity, and she got into the tub a few hours after arrival. Anything good you've heard about laboring in a 95 degree tub was not an exaggeration--Becca loved it and was close to falling asleep between contractions.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." As well as we had prepared for a vaginal birth, as many "good people" we had placed around us (the midwives, Teresa, the Hackettstown nurses, etc), it was not the Lord's will that Liam be born according to our birth plan. After Becca had pushed for a couple hours (and what pushing it was!), Lisa sadly reported that Liam's head had not made any progress and that Becca was still stuck at 9.5cm.

Becca was pretty well drained at this point, and Lisa said that her contractions weren't "packing a punch" since she was so tired. Becca went on a very mild dose of patocin, which helped to regulate and strengthen her contractions. She pushed in five different positions (in the tub and out of the tub), but after four hours (four!) of rigourous pushing, Liam had not moved an inch. Lisa and the nurses said that a C-section was necessary if another half hour didn't bring on miracle progress.

Liam's head had been down all of the last months of Becca's pregnancy, but apparently, he was not rotated to face the correct way ("sunny side up" is what the nurses called it). So all the pushing she did was just trying to push a square peg through a round hole. Lisa said that it was possible for babies to be born that way, but when we finally met our son and his big head, it confirmed that a C-section was absolutely necessary (his head was rather bruised at the top from the pushing).

The birthing classes were of such a great help in many ways, but the jewel of greatest worth was when Teresa told us "If your midwife says you need a C-section, don't question it--you need one." How true, and how much this counsel helped bring peace to Becca as we made the decision to have a C-section. When approached with the decision, she just breathed deeply and said, "I just want to meet my son." Dr. Smith did the section, and Liam was nursing within an hour or so (for 40 minutes, first try!).

Mothers, if you are anything like my wife--and I believe that you are--you have what it takes. Becca had not eaten any solid food for hours and hours. She had only slept two hours before her water broke. Yet she pushed for four hours with the strength of ten men despite multiple disappointments. I have hardly been as inspired by the resolve or selflessness of another man, woman, or child in my 27 years on earth. I am confident that each of you can rise to whatever the Lord brings to you when your time comes. Take heart!

Liam was 8lbs-10oz and measured 21.5 inches long. I attached a few pictures, too. Can't wait to hear all your stories!

Scott, Becca, and Liam

We are so thankful to the Lord for our precious gift, our little baby Liam...

Just something funny

New Belly Pics...hopefully the last ones :-)

Scott got camera/pregnancy belly happy 2 Sundays ago...here are a couple of the results!

SAHM

Yesterday I had a meeting with HR, which confirmed what I already knew...since I haven't worked a year AND 1000 hours yet at my job, I have no job security with HMC. So when I go out on maternity leave on the 7th of April (or sooner) they can post my job. Will they? They probably will, since I am not willing to go back for more than 1 day per week and a weekend a month max.

I didn't expect to feel what I felt, however, upon hearing this official news. I felt slightly "punished" I guess. Like I was loosing my job on account of having a baby. I also felt all this, probably undue, pressure to go back to work right away. Let alone go back to work right away, to go back to work at all.

I have wrestled for a while about working, while being a mom. I have been convicted over and over about staying home with our son. I'm not saying this is how every woman, family or marriage should feel about this. To explain further I will direct your attention to GirlTalk blog, yet again! The Lord is so kind to provide encouragement during this time of decision making. In the land of Jersey there is not much encouragement, I have found, for mothers who want to stay at home full-time, let alone home school (we'll not get into that!).

So pray for us with this transition and pray that we would be seeking the Lord's wisdom in all things... "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." (James 1:5)

Prizing our Husbands

Just a little post to draw your attention to GirlTalk this week as they talk about "Prizing our Husbands." I've seen so many times, children take the front seat of a marriage and one spouse or another get the backseat (this does not have the be the husband, sometimes it's the other way around). You can find their posts when you click on GirlTalk in my sidebar. While you're there be sure to read the "Friday Funnies" post from this Friday past :-)

As for baby P...all is going well! We are at the 36 week mark on Thursday. If you all could pray that he does not get too big, that would be much appreciated. That's really my only concern. Scott and I are praying that the baby might come before the due date and that it would be a safe and natural delivery. We are so excited to meet our little guy! This week I will make it my goal to post a pic of the very large belly I'm sporting (makes one never want to be carrying this thing around for life!!!) and our put together nursery.

I love when babies laugh....

hysterically!

Date Night

Recently Scott's job has been more demanding than other times...affording us very little time together. This has been hard in many ways, but we keep reminding ourselves that 1.Scott has a job and 2.Because of this job I have not needed to work as much, and hopefully will need to work very little when our little guy arrives. My husband, our home and our child are my first priorities.

A while ago we had started making Thursday nights 'Date Night'. While this has not always been held as an actual date night, we always have that option on Thursday nights to declare "date night" and devote the night to one another. I do feel that dating when you are married is way more fun than before marriage :-)

In light of last night being Thursday and Scott being home at 6 and not having spent much time together recently, we made it an official date night. What did we do? Well let me tell you...First, I made gorditas. Yum! Our only question was, what makes this different than a taco? Still they were delicious. Then, inspired my Elizabeth's mention of monster cookies in a recent post, we made a 1/2 batch of monster cookies. I mention 1/2 batch because a whole one, those of you in the Pearce family would know, makes 12 dozen cookies!!! That's more than my kitchen aid can handle---I've tried. The only tweaking I do to the recipe is that I only put in M&M's and I undercook the cookies, so they are chewy. Then, since we have not had the chance to do this, we put together the stroller and the pack 'n' play. (By "we" I mean, Scott did it, while I encouraged him and then laughed when he was briefly outwitted by the pack 'n' play. :-)) And we have pictures...


They're a little dark, but you get the idea.

Lastly, we realized that we have not taken a "belly picture" in a while (you can tell how into this we are.). So here is the belly at 32 weeks--yes, that's right, the beginning of month 8. I'll have to post on my little freak out yesterday at some other time. And please excuse the appearance of me in the pic, it's pre-bedtime.

(I'm kind of doing a cheerleader pose....hmmm...)

Anyhow, here's to date night!

fun baby-stuff pics

Amidst all the excitement of getting, washing, assembling and sorting many baby things, I did have the time to finish the curtains for the nursery. I also was able to make a cushion/pad-type thing for the cradle. We did attempt to buy a mattress for the cradle, but since it was made my grandfather it is not a standard size. Therefore, I needed to make something for the baby to sleep on! No problem, it was a cinch. Here are some of the pics of the baby's room!




This weekend we visited my family in Montrose and my Aunt Diana (dare I say my favorite aunt? maybe I shouldn't...) gave us a little "shower" gift. This is the cutest outfit ever!!! No offense to anyone who may have bought us some clothing, you must understand I am biased toward things of the barnyard. So here you go:

It's a moo-moo outfit!!!




















The right sleeve says "Here a Moo"

The left sleeve says "There a Moo" :-)









And the tush has a tail!!! Ha Ha, Scott's response to this, "Does the tail come off?"

Hallmark Day

To commemorate this Hallmark Day I have couple of romantic things for my faithful followers (and by faithful followers I mean Liz and Shana :-)

First, a picture of the flowers that my sweetie pie sent me for love day...

Isn't he sweet? (I love Callas)












Then lastly, a mood setting song/video...

Ah Leah! @ Yahoo! Video

Romantic, eh? Hope it gets you in the mood for some smooching!

Happy Valentine's Day!

hmmm...

Yes, I know it's been awhile. I'm really not sure what to say though. Nothing exciting is going on. We are approaching week 30. I get to take the Glucose Tolerance test on Friday. Please pray I'm not diabetic!!! Baby P's head is down, he sticks his little toes in my right ribs quite often now. Which, by the way, is not as uncomfortable as it sounds, I just poke him back where he belongs. I can say that pregnancy does really start to take it's toll right about now. I feel large, a lot, and I can't sleep through the night, a lot. But, alas, only 10 more weeks (give or take).

This season has really flown and in some instances it seems really long...and it's a little surreal. Scott was thinking out loud the other day, "Man, you've been pregnant forever...I can't wait until this is over!" I concur. It's not that I mind being pregnant, or that I don't want to be...but, I'm super excited to meet our little guy and also I'm super excited to be me again. Also, I can't wait for people to stop asking me how I'm feeling and commenting on my body and my clothes...yadda yadda... It's cute in the beginning, but it gets tiring. So anyway, about those Steelers... :-)

I will post a pic soon, of the ever growing belly and of the nursery. I have one more curtain to finish sewing and then that will be done.

Until then, check out the crock-potting blog on my blog roll, it's cool!

A few of my favourite things

Well, one of my favourite things: The album that Joel and Liz got me for Christmas... Sandra McCracken's "The Builder and the Architect". This beautiful piece of musical art is a collection of hymns, re-written and otherwise. Her beautiful alto and choice of folksy guitar and banjo compliment her song selections so well!

Currently the song that I keep playing on repeat is "In the Secret of His Presence". This song has really spoken to my heart of clay (Isaiah 64:8). Recently I have really felt the pressing of the Holy Spirit on my heart. I have such a desire to read God's Holy Word and to pray "without ceasing". I have felt burdens lifted, sorrows eased, insights into parts of my life that I'm not used to insights into and last but not least A JOY IN HIS PRESENCE. I know that it sounds awful to hear a Christian say that she recently found joy in the presence of the LORD...I can say I've had this before, but when you stop communing with the LORD on a regular basis it is easy to find being in the presence of the LORD burdensome.

For some time I have not sought wisdom from the LORD, nor have I prayed on a regular basis. I have all the head knowledge, but my heart was hardening. What a sad place to be.

But this song describes the joys of drawing near to our Heavenly Father...and this is what I've been experiencing as of late, Praise the LORD!

"In the secret of His presence how my soul delights to hide!Oh, how precious are the lessons which I learn at Jesus’ side!Earthly cares can never vex me, neither trials lay me low;For when Satan comes to tempt me, to the secret place I go,To the secret place I go.
When my soul is faint and thirsty, ’neath the shadow of His wingThere is cool and pleasant shelter, and a fresh and crystal spring;And my Savior rests beside me, as we hold communion sweet:If I tried, I could not utter what He says when thus we meet,What He says when thus we meet.
Only this I know: I tell Him all my doubts, my griefs and fears;Oh, how patiently He listens! and my drooping soul He cheers:Do you think He ne’er reproves me? What a false Friend He would be,If He never, never told me of the sins which He must see,Of the sins which He must see.
Would you like to know the sweetness of the secret of the Lord?Go and hide beneath His shadow: this shall then be your reward;And whene’er you leave the silence of that happy meeting place,You must mind and bear the image of the Master in your face,Of the Master in your face."

To Listen to Sandra sing it go here.

Brothers and Sisters, if you do not know the joy of the presence of the LORD pray for it and ask for it. "For anyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." Matt 7:8

You asked for it, here it is

The new belly pics! We are at 23 weeks, over half way there :-) Or so "they" say.

I guess the way I can tell I'm getting bigger is that you can actually see the panel from my pants through my shirt. And, maybe this is too much information, but oh well, I think I'm getting a stretch mark! Now while some people are very bothered by this, I am not. I had a discussion with my dearest, Nicole, and she and I agree that stretch marks are reminders of what the Lord has blessed us with.

After the snow stops coming we will get a pic of the Honda Pilot up here. Yes, that is what we purchased. A 2004 Honda Pilot EX. It, from all appearance, seems to be a good family vehicle. There are absolutely no frills about this thing. There aren't even cup holders in the front. Yeah that's right. This is something we did not notice until after the purchase, but we are coping. The few things I will miss about my Subaru: heated seats, huge sun roof, 6 CD changer. But all's well that ends well--we have a car, that will seat more than 4 with a car seat in place.

Oh and one more thing!!! We got a crib for free!!! All we had to do was drive to Sparta :-) I love free and/or second hand things.

A Couple Links

Just a couple of links that I've been thinking about. Actually 3. The first 2 are actually from Joel and Liz's blogs and the last is from Girl Talk. All of these blogs are linked at the right hand side of my blog page. But here are the addresses for all: Liz's post, Joel's post and the GirlTalk post. All thought provoking :-)

I will post pictures of our "new" SUV soon and also, we need to get a new "belly pic" up and a picture of the awesome PJ's that we got for little man. They are so cool... :-) The reason for the new belly pic is because people are constantly coming up to me saying "you got bigger!" So I guess I "got bigger". Just a word of advice, unless you are super close to a pregnant woman, do not go up to her and say the words "you got bigger", because 1. no duh and 2. pregnant women's emotional status is easily shattered.

Oh one more thing...we might be getting a crib for free from a lady on craigslist. I love craigslist.